my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
