I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I don't want my vagina anymore.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
