; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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