I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
whose parrot is this?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
