so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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