Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
