I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
