"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize