My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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