Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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