we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
