Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
