Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
