I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
