i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
