I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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