I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
