I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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