my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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