Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
