Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
