Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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