Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
