VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
