he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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