Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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