Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
