By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
