last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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