I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
