i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
