HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
