If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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