you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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