i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
