things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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