Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
