Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
