im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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