I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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