i permit you to call me
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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