Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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