just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
