I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
