I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He did a backflip because drugs
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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