Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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