i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
