too bad you live with your parents still
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
