She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
