im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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