You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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