New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
