I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
