She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
