I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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