There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
