He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
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its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
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He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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