Christians are straight up FREAKS
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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