too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
