He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
