He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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