there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
